Warning: Consuming cantaloupes may lead to Yoga

First, let me just get this off my chest, because it is a burden I’ve had to bear for far too long.  I must admit in good faith, that I am subject to a personal bias against this next product.  Nothing against Del Monte company, or any of their fine, fine produce, but I, the author of this blog, must wholeheartedly swear and acknowledge, that I just do not like cantaloupe.

I can’t stand it.  Nothing ruins a perfectly good fruit salad more, than cantaloupe.  Well, that and Honeydew.  God, I despise honeydew.  I gotta chalk it up to genetics, and whatever it is that controls the mechanisms in our taste buds, but cantaloupe seriously tastes like death to me.  And even my hatred for cantaloupe transcends the taste buds.  The feel of the rind makes me cringe.  Even slicing it open (which should fill me with some sort of delight) gives me the heebie-jeebies.  And please don’t even let me smell it.  I’m about to dry heave merely thinking about it.

Do not even attempt to reason with me.  Leave some pro-cantaloupe comments if you must, but they will be ignored and remain unpublished.  There is nothing that can be done to change the author’s mind.  Nope.  I’m not going to listen.  My hands are shielding my ears.  “La, La, La, La, La”

I remember seeing this a while back, an article about those anti-cilantro people.   Now, I like cilantro.  I think it’s yummy in a nice, fresh pico de gallo.  Or on tacos.  Mmmm, tacos.  Nothing personal haters.  But brothers, sisters, I understand your pain.  I have those feelings, too, but my hate is directed towards cantaloupe.  But sadly, after I found this, it appears we the anti-cantaloupe coalition, are in a vast, somewhat even quieter minority.

I do have to chime in that at our restaurant we stopped using cilantro.  Due to a labeling error of the greatest variety, we began using “Chillantro,” you know, which helps people chill, bra.

Surprisingly, I do not hate yoga.  It’s one of those exercise regiment thingies that remain in a list in the back of my mind, of things I sometimes feel I ought to do, but through shear lack of will, know I will never actually attempt.  Kinda like running.  (Brief pause for personal snickering… I only run when I run away from something.  Sorry runners out there, I just don’t get it).

I guess an aspect of yoga I find unappealing, is the public’s misconception that yoga is some sort of ancient, mystical art, that may transform you into a flame breathing, martial arts master, ala Street Fighter 2.  (I wish.  I’d do it in a heartbeat.)  I’m not going to pretend I discovered this knowledge on my own.  I read about it here.

That being said, I think the main message here is that cantaloupes, like yoga, lead to some sort of health benefit.  Particularly aimed at female yoga practitioners.  But unfortunately I think I won’t find the time to test this theory, as I am not a female yoga practitioner, nor will I willingly consume cantaloupe.  I would not eat them with a goat, Sam I am.

Although the female pictured here does appear to be floating somewhat mystically-like, without any kind of background behind her.  Yet another effect of consuming cantaloupe?  Levitation!

And then there’s this.  You see.  I’ve been warning people for years.